I am definitely feeling the stress this week. The 3-hour time expectation for the Map Test was a very conservative estimate.  I’m struggling to keep up with three very reading intensive classes this semester (two Religious Studies and one Philosophy) at the same time and am finding it near impossible to keep up. I’ve been sick on and off for the past couple weeks, which has put a significant strain on my work time, and am facing a very big week in my internship with the Bryan Series, along with a visit from my mother for family weekend and homecoming this weekend. I normally feel that I hit a rut at some point in the semester, but am feeling like it should be much later than this point.
We did a ten-minute meditation in class today to a recording of poem performances, which was very appreciated. I was enrolled in Eric’s class on Buddhist Emptiness last semester, which had a weekly (if not more frequently) meditation component that I am not sure I realized how much I enjoyed until the class ended, the summer passed, and this new semester has started. I would like to get back into the habit of going to the Buddhist Meditation Fellowship meetings to get that meditation in, which I hope will aid in relieving some stress. I would also like to go chat with both Eric and Jill (my other Religious Studies professor) sometime within the next week to work out some strategies for coping with the high level of reading that is currently on my plate.
My experience in Guilford’s Religious Studies department has been very different than my experience in the Business department. In the Business department, if I did not excel at assignments, it was often because I found the assignments to be mostly busywork and had difficulty motivating myself to complete them to the best of my ability. In the Religious Studies department, I feel a lot of pressure to perform well in my classes because not just because the material is interesting and in depth, but also because I truly look up to and respect these professors and consider them good friends. I feel like I’m not only letting myself down, but them down as well when I don’t complete work to the best of my ability. I’m finding myself spread so thin that I’m not satisfied with my work in any class and then I just end up spiraling into a zone of stress where I can’t finish all of the work and I’m not happy with the quality of the work I am doing so then I end up more stressed and left unable to complete a bigger chunk of what is assigned.
This semester, I am a TA for two different classes, following my summer position as an Orientation Team Leader and my simultaneous work as an intern and student representative for the Guilford Bryan Series. I feel that all of these roles have left me in a place where I feel like I need to be someone that others can look up to and count on and when I start to fall behind, I feel that I am no longer doing that duty. I start to feel like a phony being the TA of a class that I am not thoroughly completing every reading for because I am supposed to be setting an example.
Although this was more personal than I initially intended this blog post to be, I am feeling better just having had the opportunity to talk about it, so I suppose I owe you a “thank you,” kind Internet reader. I hope that your week is a little more positive than mine and I look forward to bringing you a more positive outlook soon.